Poetry Rally Entry: She Waited

All through the night
Wearing the orange skirt he loved
She waited for him

She held herself still
Facing the door
All through the night

Knife in hand
Full of hatred
Wearing the orange skirt he loved

Ready to avenge
Ready to kill
She waited for him

————————–

This is my entry for Jingle’s Poetry Rally

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55 Comments

  1. “wearing the orange skirt he loved” that is a great line..she was certainly dressed to kill..this is one of those poems that just make you crave the novel behind the words..Nice Writing..Enjoy the Rally!

    Reply
  2. you scare me with your ending…

    at first, I thought she waited for love..
    nice job!

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  3. please let me know after you finish 18 NEW poets commenting…
    Thanks a lot.

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  4. very scary!!!!! but what a good poem you have written! :)

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  5. Okay…this makes a guy not want to go home….very drammatic poem.

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  6. Wow — didn’t realize I’d scare people! I worked on this a long time — I’m glad it’s having an impact!

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  7. tight. i like it…leaves the mind to wonder why…

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    • A mystery … at least for those reading the poem (answer: he treated her very badly on their last date). But I liked the poem better when her reasons were left unspoken.

      Reply
  8. Spandhanaa

     /  July 1, 2010

    My heart missed a beat as I read the poem!! nice work :)

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  9. A good old-fashioned twist. Thanks! Happy Rally day.

    Reply
  10. dustus

     /  July 1, 2010

    Something tells me that’s the last time he’ll see her in that dress. That was cool how you wrote the poem.

    Reply
    • It’s called a cascade poem. I saw someone else in the rally write in this style a couple weeks ago and asked them about it. This is only my 2nd attempt, so I am heartened by all the positive responses. :)

      Reply
  11. Wow…very creative but scary lol :) oxo

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  12. this is powerful.
    Great job

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  13. Wow, it hits you right in the gut at the end. Great poem

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  14. Whoa! I totally thought this was a love poem and then BOOM she had a knife. Love it! Great job!

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  15. Wow, just as I was about to start relating to the girl, she turns murderer! Surprising and exciting.

    Thanks for visiting my blog, btw. ;)

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  16. Wow! Hope he stayed out all night. I hope my wife has never been this mad at me. I wonder sometimes. I too can see a larger story out of this. Like this is the poem she wrote while she waited for him in the infamous orange skirt, soon to be splattered with blood. Did she put the knife away and invite him in for a drink first? I think I saw a movie like this onetime, bad ending.brrrr Thanks for the chill. asa

    Reply
  17. would love to know more about the cascade poems.. cz this one is truely a masterpiece!!! i loved it!

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  18. Wow.. I didn’t see that coming. The first stanza had me thinking she was waiting patiently for her love to return.. just so she could be with him. But then, you TOTALLY turned the table !!! Too good!!!
    So full of emotion, and very well written!
    Have a great weekend!

    Reply
  19. Wow girl —My heart was pounding ,,,such deep dark writing — interesting piece, well done.

    Joanny

    Reply
  20. I see beauty in violence because of how you beautifully wrote this. I pray he doesnt come back so he breathes another day…A court settlement will save her the drama though…(thinking from the perspective of the poem…lol) Nice!

    Reply
  21. jessicasjapes

     /  July 2, 2010

    Mmm, I like this. I’d want to know more about this woman and why she’s waiting…

    Reply
  22. Morbid, and twisted, loved it, search around on my blog and find the same under the evil nursery rhymes or tbe uncategorized. catch ya later or at least at the next rally. ta ta for now

    Reply
  23. robot cupcake poetry

     /  July 2, 2010

    Nice! Love the turn it takes, what a shocker. Keep writing!

    Reply
  24. mairmusic

     /  July 2, 2010

    Some stuff goin’ on here, gfriend! I like the stark intensity of the contrasts.
    http://mairmusic.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  25. Nice twist to the emotion.

    Rhyme on!

    Tim Keeton
    (Undead)Poet / Wizard / Teller-of-tales

    Reply
  26. empowered and deadly… i could feel the rage. great play with words and emotions, morganna!

    Reply
  27. letting you know I am getting your poem to my file so that it appears on Promising Poets Parking Lot…

    I will post text only, and with your blog name, general blog link included.
    Thank you for the contribution!
    :)

    Reply
  28. kelleygrrl

     /  July 3, 2010

    Would have love to see the look on his face when he walked through that door! This is a great poem!

    Reply
  29. wow i wana know the story behind this…reminded me of kill bill for some reason…if its ok wit u can u teme the story????wonderful poem…
    http://hoiden.wordpress.com/2010/07/04/journal-entry-101/

    Reply
    • If you read all the comments, I have put a few hints to the story in replies to earlier commenters.

      Reply
  30. mitchicus

     /  July 4, 2010

    I can’t help but ask, is this metaphorical or is it something darker? Poetically great, content wise almost poe-esque

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  31. Jessica Graf

     /  July 4, 2010

    I love the twist! Makes good poetry

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  32. Rather dark, but great all the same…made me think what he did to make her that mad. Thanks!

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  33. i love the spirit and intense ending in this poem.. good job :)

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  34. Tasha

     /  July 5, 2010

    Wow! Wasn’t expecting the sudden turn in the middle to something so dark and scary, but I loved it!

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  35. Fatesjoke03

     /  July 5, 2010

    Nice twist and great setup. Thanks for sharing.

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  36. The ending was eerie in that she waited, not only with her hatred, but in the orange skirt he loved. Breataking in its imagination and twist ending.

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    • Wow. Thanks for the compliments. I think she was trying to show him that what he loved had turned on him.

      Reply
  37. This is intense. A little scary. I will not forget the image. Powerful. -Bill

    Reply
  38. Arouse the interest and strike they eyes with vibrant hues. What did he do to vex you so?

    Reply
  39. andyveilleux

     /  July 7, 2010

    I agree with Jingle, I definitely thought she wanted love at first. Great twist! Something about me still wants the guy to love her though, maybe I’m hopelessly romantic at heart? haha

    Reply
    • Well, he’ll die for that love. If that’s not hopelessly romantic, I don’t know what is. (Seriously, though, I don’t think he actually shows up. I don’t know what happens then.)

      Reply
  40. I loved this poem because it had great imagery and it also makes me want to know what happened and what is going to happened. Great poem. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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  41. Nice work on a short, expressive verse!
    It is very sad, with a tragic ending but it’s OK.
    I hope is not you… waiting… with the knife…

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  42. Sad. She must have love him so much.

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  43. Sina Saberi

     /  October 24, 2010

    one can only think of her many reasons…while knowing she might not be as determined as she thinks.

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  44. How completely twisted, yet totally inlove with in, a whole imagary flew into my mind and a whole bunch of different stories of why she wanted to kill him dressed in his favorite orange skirt. Like a woman who had enough..abused…etc….. loved it

    Reply
  1. Thursday Poets Rally Week 24 (July 1-7, 2010) | Jingle

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